Is a teacup really worth fighting over?

Throughout spring I’ve been writing and talking about the many practical aspects of estate planning. I’ve shared several lists of details, duties, tasks and responsibilities. (Read past estate planning articles here, and tune into recent, on-topic episodes of I'm a Millionaire! So Now What? here). And I’ve emphasized the challenge of handling all these practical aspects while grieving the loss of a loved one.

But sometimes it’s a simple thing, like that teacup that always held Granny and Boppa’s breakfast tea, that can set off a family feud.

What are the things in your family collection that hold value beyond dollars and cents? Those items that hold memories too?

Ignoring the value and not dealing carefully with sentimental assets can derail the best-laid financial and tax strategies. Seriously. If you want to avoid bun flinging at the next family gathering or having a wedding invite get ‘lost in the mail’, then include sentimental assets within your estate plan.

We need to acknowledge the stories behind the things. That porcelain figurine you were allowed to hold in your great aunt’s apartment that brings back feelings of belonging and curiosity. That teacup that invokes feelings of safety, security and love.

The plate; the photo album; the print or painting; the glass; the chair; the blanket; the ring… you get the picture.

Sure, some of these objects may have financial value in the resale, antique or secondary market but, as my family discovered through the auction sale we held when my Dad downsized, most people are just trying to find that smoking deal.

Memories, on the other hand, are priceless.

I’m grateful that, after all these years, my father held onto my mother’s costume jewelry. She became an angel in 1993, early, at age 43. In the process of his downsize and move, it was time to find her everyday accessories an appreciative home. Dad divvied up the accessories four ways and put them into identical bags. We chose a random number, and received the corresponding bag. The gifting turned into an afternoon of wonderful reminiscing. Mom often bought multiple styles of the same item if she liked it – so some pieces had a partner in another bag; trading and laughter ensued.

I share this experience as a creative and appropriately reverential approach to dividing up assets – even those that don’t make it onto the balance sheet. And to highlight the impact you can have when you do this while you can still witness the joy for the receiver, rather than once you’ve taken your wings.

If it doesn’t feel right to bequeath things right now, make sure to speak with your lawyer about outlining clear instructions in your estate documents. Make a list of ‘tangible personal property’ and which beneficiaries should receive important items. And add the topic to your Essential Family Conversations.

In all the practical advice on estate planning, please don’t forget the teacups. And be prepared for some surprises; it may be through conversations as a family that you learn the true value of the things you possess.

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