I’ve shared lots of lists and counsel about the practical aspects of settling an estate, drafting a will, and clearly communicating your ‘in-the-event-of’ plans.

But there’s no practical or pragmatic plan that prepares us for the inevitable passing of a person close to us.

On September 26th I was offline for a couple of hours while attending a Royal Ottawa Foundation Board Meeting. (I’ve mentioned many times that mental health is a cause close to my heart having lost my brother to suicide.)

Ironically, I had just finished sharing condolences with a Foundation staff member who had abruptly lost his father in August, when I stepped outside to find several missed calls, a voice mail and a text message from my husband.

“Hi honey. Sad news. GG passed away this morning. Please get back to me.”

SHOCK.

Christena Florence McCullough (Foster) was my husband’s maternal grandmother and Great-Grandmother to our boys. For 87 turning 88, “GG” was in very good shape. The evening before, she’d been out playing euchre with her friends -- a regular pastime of hers.

Yes, GG had suffered a heart attack in the fall of 2018. Yes, she had been through surgery back in January of this year. And yes, she was in her late 80s. But none of those facts made her death any less surprising or sad to me and my family that morning.

Whether it’s sudden or prolonged, surprising or anticipated, at a young or advanced age, that final moment you become an angel – for good and forever – begins a period of great sorrow for your family and friends.

We prepare as best we can by taking away the confusion, but no amount of drafting wills can take away the pain.

My husband is an only child. His mother is an only child. I sense their sadness and loss is somehow more acute because they don’t have a big family to rally around them.

When the time comes, I expect it will be quite straightforward to carry out my mother-in-law’s wishes; we won’t have sibling rivalry to contend with. On the other hand, right now Scott’s mom has a sadness she carries on her own, and I foresee a time when Scott will face the same. Of course, we are here to support her: son, daughter-in-law and grandchildren, her spouse and a very tight community of friends.

And I realize again, when the practical is taken care of and made as simple as possible for those left behind, then those left behind have the gift of more time and space to gather, console and remember.