Back in September, I introduced you to my father. Well, I introduced him in my post about Essential Family Conversations and those tough Aging-Well plans we all face at some point.
Then I held a free event: Life Transitions that Come With Aging – Practical Tips and Strategies, with Eldercare Planning Counselor, Certified Health Specialist and Certified Relocation and Transition specialist Jennifer Moir, who is also the Founder of Age Well Solutions (www.agewellsolutions.ca).
I was moved by the post-event comments I received:
“Thank-you for sharing your story… A couple of months ago, my father brought up his Will and the need to share his estate. This is an uncomfortable conversation for me. A breakfast date with my dad is in order.”
“A lot can happen in 4 years… The home we have is great – one level with an unfinished basement. It is the yard that I think is too big, given our needs/interests. We spend quite a bit on yard maintenance when the grass is growing. We can probably manage it a bit better – the key here is having/making time for us to do it ourselves AND asking ourselves if this is what we want to do going forward. Not a today decision but something to be thought about in the near term.”
“I'm very fortunate that my mother is still quite independent, and she does involve us in her decisions. I'm also quite aware that family dynamics can be tough especially during emotional times. Hopefully we'll get the support we need when we need it! Good luck with your Dad. I hope the move goes smoothly.”
And so, an update.
We’ve started the lengthy process of moving my Dad out of his home, barn and gentleman-farmed lands of 35 years. There’s a lot of ‘downsizing’ that needs to be done. So a while back, we planned an auction for October.
In preparation, we had to go through 35 years of stuff: receipts, records, birthday cards, baby books and pictures, pictures, pictures! The day of the auction itself we found a box of framed pictures of us as children among the items out on the wagon for sale; luckily it was caught before the bidding began.
That mug, that plate, those towels, that camera…
Sorting through it all stirred up a lot of memories – not just in me but in others. People turned up to tell stories of uncles and grandparents, when Dwyer Hill Rd was dirt and barely passible with a single vehicle.
It wasn’t so hard watching the bookcase, Ikea dressers and bedside table go. But I had a hard time watching all Dad’s horse gear – harnesses and sleds – get taken away.
It was a group effort for sure, and emotional for us all. I am very grateful for and thank my sisters Katie, Laura (Ryan), and Martha (Mat); my boys David, Ashton and my husband Scott; Dad’s close friend Josephine; Kevin & Gwen; Marian& Richard; Bernice; Kimberly; Michael; Tim, Jason & Ryan; our friends, Peter Devlin and Cousin Pat O’Connell.
We all survived the Auction Sale and watching family things slip away for $1 & $2. By the end of the day everything was gone, including stuff left at the end of the driveway.
It reminded me of my conversation just the week before with Pierrette Raymond, one of the first women franchise partners for 1-800-GOT-JUNK? (More info about Pierrette's franchise in Ottawa here). Pierrette had told me about the 1-800-GOT-JUNK? priorities:
“A lot of what we pick up is still good and we don’t resell it. So it goes to local charities. We work with several different charities here in Ottawa. If it's not donatable it's either recyclable or it goes to the waste site. And the last resort for us is the waste site for two reasons, 1) it's not good for the environment; and 2) it's not good for the bottom-line because the fees at the waste site are quite high for professional services. So the first is donations, second is recyclable, and as a last resort it goes to the waste site.”
After losing her mother to cancer, Pierrette studied death, dying and bereavement and completed a funeral services certification to learn more about the whole grief and loss process. That was the seed of her second business, Moving Matters Forward, working with families like mine who were going through the moving process with their loved ones.
“What do you determine you keep, what do you sell, who do you sell it to, how do you sell it, how much is it worth, and I certainly understand that whole experience. So I know it's tough. It's really tough to go through and I'm glad that you guys are doing it as a family. It's so important to do that. The memories you must have and the support that you are giving your dad through it all is really commendable. I'm very happy just to hear that you guys are doing that together.”
My interview with Pierrette will air on my podcast I’m a Millionaire! So Now What? (listen & subscribe here) on December 18th. Remember to listen in.
My two cents on moving is to stay open, and invite help in. Anticipate. Communicate. Get on the same page. And, as you can tell from the list of thank yous above: many hands make light(er) work.
Are you facing a move, a down-size, or a difficult conversation about aging? I’d love to know – send your comments through our contact page.