“You know what I find really refreshing...that women are having dialogue with one another and they’re sharing their f— ups and their failures, and how to navigate their way through the mess of daily, domestic lives.”                 Kate Blanchett

In the last month, I’ve watched two genius performances by women,one fiction and one not but both with the common thread of life troubles and traumas and struggles with depression.

At a special screening of her upcoming film,“Where’d You Go, Bernadette?”, the Oscar winner shared what drew her to the flawed, multi-layered and complex character she portrays in the film based on Maria Semple‘s best-selling 2012 novel.

She wants “Bernadette” to inspire women to talk. To share. Hers is a character that is brilliant and troubled and struggles.

Ignore the negative reviews, especially those written by men and young women. The former often can’t relate to what women go through in life, and the later haven’t been beaten up enough by it.

In a 2013 interview with Psychology Today, author Maria Semple said the novel was partially inspired by her own experiences with depression. “I was writing about the depression I found myself in at the time,” she said. “On the one hand, that made it easy, because I could draw from powerful emotions. On the other hand, I was attacked by doubt on almost an hourly basis: I'm loving this, but why would anyone else care about a whining, snobby woman who moved from L.A. to Seattle and hates the people?”

My thoughts as to why movie critics said it was “not crazy enough”, are better expressed by C.S. Lewis in his 1940 book, The Problem of Pain, “Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say “My tooth is aching” than to say “My heart is broken.”

If critics today want ‘crazy’ then let me introduce you to Hannah Gadbsy. And I mean crazy in the best sense of the word –like crazy brilliant.

Gadsby became an international sensation in 2018 when “Nanette”, her special filmed live at The Sydney Opera, was picked up by Netflix and quickly became the title most frequently preceded by "Have you seen...”.

One reviewer summed it up– “it should be required viewing if you’re a human being.”

Hannah Gadsby reminded me about the insanity of suffering in silence. The forty-one year-old Tasmanian monologuist addresses many things in her work, among them, violence against women, men and golf, art history, her lesbianism, and her difference in the world. And that difference is at the heart of her latest show, “Douglas,” which I saw at the Daryl Roth Theatre in NYC last month.

I’m certain “Bernadette” would have understood the importance of saying one’s story, of owning up to it and protecting it.

Hannah Gadsby is willing to share her insecurities, the torment she suffered, dealing with autism spectrum disorder and ADHD. Autism is underdiagnosed in women, researchers say. The revelation often comes later in life, because the signs that are familiar in men may not exist for women, and it’s largely men whose conditions have been studied—but then this is a whole other blog!!

"Bernadette" and "Douglas" have much in common: they show us the importance of making space for people that are different; they expose the enemies that need to be shot down and re-educated, and they single out the people who use their power to categorize and diminish those who are different.

They both have lived far too long, with the belief that they were falling short of other people’s expectations.

Bernadette would have joined me, along with the audience, and cheered when Gadsby so profoundly stated:

“I no longer believe that I am falling short of expectations,” she says. “I believe it is those expectations that are falling short of my humanity.”

Caught in the Crossfires

Like a dull winter’s gloom

Like a garden that never blooms

Depression has a sense of impending doom

Like a strangler fig that invades the host tree

Like a python that refuses to set you free

Depression leaves you sans esprit

Like a voice that lacks inflection

Like a mirror without reflection

Depression’s face has no expression

Like a puffin caught in a toxic spill

Like a patient who is forever ill

Depression’s blow is overkill

Like an illness that has no get well card

Like a mad dog in the junkyard

Depression proved to be my wildcard

Like the sirens’ lure

Like a provocateur

Suicide they chant is the only cure

I wrote this poem in the summer of 2016 for a writing course at UofT. In hindsight, I realize it was an attempt to ask for help– but no one heard me. No one asked after reading this if I was depressed. So I slunk away dealing with the shame of feeling weak yet again.

Hannah Gadsby was one of the people who saved me – when she declared:

“There’s nothing stronger than a broken woman who has rebuilt herself”

She gave me hope. This is my rallying cry. Feel free to take it as yours.