Thank you Kid Rock for my theme song!

May 08, 2018 | Sandra Pierce


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We all brag from time to time. For some of us it comes more naturally than for others. I’m sure it won’t be a surprise to any women reading this that research shows men are far more likely to brag than we do. While men often go as far as exaggerating their accomplishments or worse (think Al Gore taking credit for birthing the Internet!), the data shows women feel anxiety and discomfort about the smallest amount of bragging and tend to subscribe to a more traditional idea of modesty.

My personal opinion -- modesty is overrated. But I understand why it’s not easy to be comfortable with self-promotion – we don’t need research to tell us that people (read men!) don’t always respond favourably to a woman speaking her mind.

At a previous firm, I was sharing a major business success story with the CEO. Openly patting myself on the back, as it was through my efforts alone that we had gained a major client, he responded with:

“Sandra I’ve never heard anyone who brags as much as you!”

Really!?!!! I looked at him with disbelief and said I found it hard to believe, given his twenty plus year career in a male dominated field that he had never come across anyone who bragged as much as I did. And then I added:

“There is a Kid Rock song that best expresses my beliefs:

It’ ain’t bragging Mother@#$)%! if you can back it up!”

Apparently I’m what is referred to in gender research as an “Agentic Woman”. Agentic qualities such as being assertive or competitive or bragging – are associated with men. The female stereotype is one of “Communal qualities” – such as being nice or compassionate. Agentic women do not fall into the cultural stereotype for our gender.

And despite making great strides toward gender quality, violating gender stereotypes is still taboo. Women who display traits that are inconsistent with feminine gender role prescriptions are a risk for social and economic backlash, “penalties” for behaving out of social bounds.

I recently had a lengthy email ‘conversation’ with Psychology Professor Jessi L Smith, at Montana State University, an expert in the field of gender stereotypes who has focused on the link between “norm violation” (society’s unwritten rules demanding modesty) and the ability to self-promote.

Dr. Smith stated, “The research picture continues to be pretty bleak – people do not like it when women self-promote even when it is completely deserved. It is hard to “stick with it” when you work in a place that doesn't’value you or is dismissive and upset when you try to point out your accomplishments.”

“It’s part of the “chilly climate” that you hear a lot about in the popular press – in psychology we call it feeling of “belonging uncertainty” and there is a lot of evidence that highly skilled women and minorities will not persist taking a ‘controversial stance’ even though they are absolutely correct because of being made to feel 'they don’t belong'.

She added one last thing: “I worry that books like “Lean In” send a message that women should learn to “act like men” and “sit at the table” so to speak. Why don’t we ask men to smile more and be nicer and kinder and stop being so loud? You know, the story goes two ways. It could be women are too modest. But it could be that men are overconfident. It’s curious to me why we don’t focus on the overconfidence gap.”

Men stop being overconfident?? When pigs fly – no pun intended. But no worries. Women are rising. Today we are witnessing women more engaged, energized and resolute than ever. Issues that were long ignored are finally coming to the surface and women are speaking up and using their voices and influence to demand real change.

Tackling the backlash from bragging is just one more barrier I predict will start to crumble in 2018.

Let us all find our theme song. Kid Rock might not be your inspiration. Maybe Aretha Franklin’s ‘Respect’ is more your style. Or Katy Perry and Roar is your song:

“I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter
Dancing through the fire
'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion"

'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar!”