“You can be anxious, sensitive, kind and wear your heart on your sleeve, you can be a mother or not, you can be an ex-Mormon or not, you can be a crier, a hugger- you can be all these things. And not only can you be here, you can lead. Just like me.”
When I heard this snippet from New Zealand’s Prime Minister Jacinda Arden’s farewell speech, I was initially moved and inspired, but the smile soon became a frown when I realized she’s an anomaly amongst leaders.
Yale management professor, Victoria Brescoll, has written extensively about how expressing emotion creates a double bind for female leaders, who are often penalized for what is deemed excessive displays of emotion. But being emotionally unexpressive can also result in penalties. Unemotional women are seen as failing to fulfill the warm, communal role that women are supposed to adopt. In other words, when it comes to expressing emotion, we can’t win.
Our communication style – what sociolinguists refer to as passionate expression — is viewed differently by the sexes. Our passion reinforces a perception by men that our ideas are less convincing, and our credibility is compromised; whereas women feel they are simply advancing their cause or expressing an opinion, albeit passionately.
TO BE OR NOT TO BE
Googling ‘How can Women be less emotional at work’ brought up 630,000,000 search engine results. It appears that women have been getting advice since the dawn of time to tamp down on their intensity. Yet we haven’t been able to move the needle one bit seeing, as recent research tells us, that the belief women are too emotional is still one of the strongest gender stereotypes out there. And this continues to present a fundamental barrier to women's ability to ascend to, and succeed in, leadership roles.
It’s a dilemma we have long struggled with. Do we change to accommodate the opposite sex to get ahead or do we stand up and fight for the right to bring our authentic self to work?
REBEL WITH A CAUSE
I can’t help but think of My Fair Lady’s Henry Higgin’s lament when he ‘sings 'Why Can’t a Woman Be More Like a Man'….
Why can't a woman be more like a man?
Men are so honest, so thoroughly square;
Eternally noble, historically fair.
Who, when you win, will always give your back a pat.
Why can't a woman be like that?
Why does every one do what the others do?
Can’t a woman learn to use her head?
Why do they do everything their mothers do?
Why don’t they grow up, well, like their father instead?
With each passing birthday, I have become more of a rebel with a cause having learned if you aren’t true to who you are you’ll never find happiness at work or in life. Inequality in workplaces didn’t happen overnight and won’t be diminished without effort.
According to MIT Sloan senior lecturer and research scientist, Renée Richardson Gosline, “As women continue to battle bias, as they navigate their careers, there needs to be deliberate and conscious action to make change … this is work that each one of us has to continue to partake in.”
I’ve come to the conclusion that making people aware of biased behavior is the only strategy left to women today in battling the “emotional label” that is so quickly thrown on women in politics, entertainment, business, or basically any realm where women are trying to be heard. Any job that requires you have a passion for your convictions shouldn’t make you an easy target for such an unfair stereotype.
“You’ve got to tell the world how to treat you {because} if the world tells you how you are going to be treated, you are in trouble.”
James Baldwin