David Chilton:

Hey, this is a fun video. But full of insights. Despite the fact that I’m hosting it.

Why so insightful?

Because I’m going to look at four myths of estate planning. Things many people believe are true, but aren’t. Opinions I hear all the time that often don’t match up to the way it works in reality.

Myth #1: I’ll avoid family conflict by appointing all three of my kids as co-executors instead of choosing the one most well suited.

Reality: Good news—this does tend to lead to fewer hard feelings toward you. You haven’t shown favoritism. You loved and trusted all the kids equally. Wonderful!

Instead, the kids’ hard feelings tend to be directed at each other. “Hazel doesn’t listen!” “Marcus missed the meeting.” “Amy has no attention to detail.” “Marcus missed another meeting.”

The kids have different schedules, different levels of busyness, different skill sets, different communication styles and, frankly, sometimes different agendas. Oh, and did I mention they’re all grieving? And that Marcus missed a third meeting?

Appointing only one child as your executor obviously carries family-friction risks, too. There’s no perfect answer here.

Perhaps a savvy, younger friend who has strong attention-to-detail? Or the route I went, and advocate for, a corporate executor?

Myth #2: Don’t worry about lesser-in-value heirlooms and personal property—family members will figure all that out on their own.

Reality: Sorry but often not. Really often. In fact, this is frequently one of the hottest spots on the friction meter. Lay out a plan ahead of time. Help the executor by bequeathing specific items to certain people when you know that would lead to less conflict. You can even lay out in your will a lottery-system approach you want used to distribute your personal property. Then the anger can be directed at Lady Luck (maybe you posthumously a bit) instead of at the executor or others in the beneficiary group.

Myth #3: Our family is not like others. There’s no way an inherited cottage will create tension between our kids. They’ll figure out cost sharing, schedules, up-keep decisions and capital investments without any major arguments.

Reality: (Dave shakes his head.)

Myth #4: It makes perfect sense to keep my spouse as my will’s executor. Who better to do it than my life partner?

Reality: I would argue that in many cases a lot of people. Or a corporate executor. But that’s triply true as we get older. Do you really want your 82-year-old spouse to have to take on all those responsibilities? All those filings? Those meetings? The tax returns? It’s a lot to ask especially as he or she is grieving and often battling health issues. Make sure you think that through as you enter your golden years.

My mom laughed at the word senescence. She noted, “It sounds so beautiful, so delightful. Like a perfume.” But it means deterioration with age. A marketing company must have come up with that word.