It was a tough end to November for all of us “Broadway Babies.”(A nod to Follies’ fans!). On November 25, American lyricist and composer, Stephen Sondheim, known for the remarkable range of musicals he wrote and composed from West Side Story to Sweeney Tod, passed at age 91.

Described as “The Titan of the American musical,” The New York Times went on to say, “He was the theater’s most revered and influential composer-lyricist of the last half of the 20th century and the driving force behind some of Broadway’s most beloved and celebrated shows.”

I joke that my parents weened me on Sondheim lyrics. They loved him and, naturally, so did I. But it wasn’t until I reached my 60’s that I truly understood why I adored him so.

Stephen Sondheim loved brassy dames.

(Definition: Brassy- showing disapproval of; a brassy woman is one who you think talks too loudly, seems too confident, and wears clothes that are bright …)

He loved older women, never felt they should become obsolete in the theatre nor in life– …”not if you write great parts for them to perform,” he said.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we women lived in a Sondheim musical? Where indomitable dames were adored; where older women would be valued rather than tossed aside. Where being likable wasn’t necessarily a plus.

Sadly, we don’t and recently I was reminded just how challenging it is for women to overcome the obstacles of life.

A young friend of mine, in her thirties, recently shared her frustrations with her annual review. Having received outstanding praise for everything she had accomplished, but faulted on her personality – she just wasn’t “likeable”.

FACT: Likability bias- tendency to find women less likable when they don’t meet the expectations of traditional gender roles.
Likeability bias is rooted in age-old expectations. We expect men to be assertive, so when they lead, it feels natural. We expect women to be kind and communal, so when they assert themselves, we like them less.

In a recent study of performance reviews, 66% of women received negative feedback on their personal style, such as “you can sometimes be abrasive”, compared to just 1% of men receiving that same type of criticism.

FACT VS. FICTION

According to Brian Bachand, CEO and Founder of the global coaching company, evolution evolution, the first thing one needs to do is decipher fact from the fiction.

“What are the stories about ourselves that we have come to believe? If you’re confronted with the criticism, “there’s something about your tone that’s off-putting when you talk to staff”, you need to be open to criticism but you also have to look at the source.”

“If it’s coming from someone who’s projecting their own insecurity with no data to back it up, you must question it,” explained Bachand. “And if it’s not true you need to move on. It’s when you stop trying to please these people that you can make the most impact and shine strong as a leader.”

Biases don’t discriminate – they afflict the young and the “old”. A good friend was overlooked for a much deserved promotion, being told there weren’t enough years left in her career to be effective in the role. She was 55 and was already considered obsolete.

FACT: According to the Harvard Business Review, women in their mid-50s are faced with new, and demeaning, biases in the workplace, including the assumption their age is making them more tired and less interested in their work. As a result, they’re being forced out of work at an age where they are still flourishing.

When asked about the potential for combatting and reducing ageism, Bachand felt it spoke more about the values of the organization’s culture and you need to ask yourself if this is a place I want to stay at.

“That’s the moment you must first acknowledge what you are feeling, only then can you start to alleviate the angst to move on, to look at what to do next.”

Bachand believes the key phrase is inspired action. “This is taking the next step which will be aligned with your values and provide the greatest happiness.”

When I turned 60 it never crossed my mind, feeling fully engaged in my career and at the height of my intellectual powers, that society’s aging stereotypes would impact my life and spirit. Although, that was when I truly understood Sondheim’s women.

Sondheim loved women who weren’t wilting flowers; he loved women who lived; he loved an adventuress, and loved the indomitable dame.

So at my lowest point, it was in his music and lyrics that I turned to for solace, here was someone who understood me. I found my cry of defiance in “I’m Still Here” – from Follies.

♫♫Good times and bum times

I’ve seen them all, and my dear, I’m still here

Plush velvet sometimes, sometimes just pretzels and beer

But I’m Here.♫♫

The perfect parable about what it takes to “succeed” in a world that often tries to smack you down.

♫♫I've run the gamut, A to Z
Three cheers and dammit, c'est la vie
I got through all of last year, and I'm here
Lord knows, at least I was there, and I'm here
Look who's here, I'm still here♫♫

Thank you Mr. Sondheim for being there.