The Mutilated Currency Division

Oct 11, 2018 | Mark Ryan


Mutilated currency? Now what?

Little monkeys see and do!

A Utah couple had been squirreling away cash, a total of $1060 to pay for a pair of season tickets to their beloved Utes college football.  Ben and Jackee Belnap had stored this carefully saved cash in an envelope, and then one morning it was gone. Ben said he was “…digging through the trash and (Jackee) hollers, 'I found it! She's holding the shredder…" There in the shredder canister sat their money, torn and fluffed up like pillow stuffing.  "We just shuffled through it, not talking," Jackee told reporters. The couple suspects that their toddler, Leo was copying what he saw his mom had done with other documents from time to time.  "Leo helps me shred junk mail and just things with our name on it, or important documents we want to get rid of," she said.


On the (somewhat) bright side, the couple can submit their teased up money to the US Department of Treasury, who, believe it or not, has a department that handles this sort of thing.  The Mutilated Currency Division (hi there George Orwell) said it would take up to two years, but that it should be retrievable. 


Did Who-dee-what Division?  Can you imagine your son being on a date, and his would-be lover asks about his career, and he responds, hoping to impress her:  “I’m a senior manager at the Mutilated Currency Division?”  She chokes on her grilled cauliflower steak and her eyes get big.  “Oh my gosh, I think I love you!”  Your son is taken back, but watches her as she reaches in to her purse and pulls out a bundle of mostly-destroyed Benjamin Franklins which she says she had found inside the wall of her old fixer-upper starter home.  The cash was once a mouse’s fixer-upper, having been nested in, eaten on, slept in, and all the other nasty repurposes those little varmints do to things.  It had a foul, musty smell to it…”  Kind of ruins lunch, but hey, his date is pretty cute, and she’s impressed…


Weekly Update:

Below I cite a snippet from our weekly analysis, because it so saliently summarizes several conversations I have had with my clients of late. It speaks to that chunk of our portfolios languishing in Canada. Our analysts say:

“The successful revamp of the trilateral trade pact between Canada, Mexico, and the U.S. removed one of the key overhangs that has been clouding the Canadian market over the past year. Several domestic-specific challenges remain for the Canadian economy including the impact of higher rates on highly indebted households, a lack of adequate pipeline capacity in the energy complex, and waning economic competitiveness vis-à-vis the U.S.  While we believe these challenges warrant a discount for the Canadian equity market relative to the U.S., we recognize that the pending removal of the NAFTA overhang and attractive relative valuations could help the beleaguered TSX Composite play catch-up to global bourses in the months ahead.” 

In other words… “please, please, please… Go Canada Go!  We are overdue for some catch-up.”


Full Story here:


What if you could give the taxman a wedgie?  My Weekly column is on my website here: